No One Knew I Felt Like This When I Wrote It...

I know you have things to do, and no time to deal with me today.I cant choose a better day for you though ....You never had the time for me. I was always a hassle, or inconvienience,
you never celebrated me,or rejoiced for me. You always condemed me,rejected me or mocked me while you were indulging in your self or some one else who made YOU proud.

My emotions were always irrational.My feelings never made sense.My needs unnessasary or unimportant.My goals never big enough.My accomplishments always little.
I never did any thing good enough for you.I never made you proud.I never satisfied your needs.I was an embarrasement to you.It was just a shame that I was me.

I tried to be what you wanted me to be, I tried so fucking hard !I cried for you to claim me !I begged for your lies of love !

When lonely feelings of hopelessness started entering my mind......I thought that I could turn to you, for love and happy times.

You let me down and left me alone,You turned on me because I was sad,Because I needed love.You turned on me when I turned to you.It hurts because I love you.It hurts because I careIt hurts cause' I believed you, when you said those lies....I love you.

You loved me when I was little, a cheerfull child full of promise and a source of pride for you.You loved me when I was a happy little girl with striking looks and straight A's that were credited to you.You loved me unconditionaly, when I lived my life respecting the conditions that you set for me.

You showere me with smiles and gave me centerstage......When I was what you wanted, when I was what you made.

Thank G-d for sadness, Thank G-d for tragedy , Thank G-d for loving me, Thank you G-d for showing me,Lucky fucking me for having hurt and pain join my life! Thanks to loss and tragedy and needing you to love me....I found out who you really are, and I know that you dont want me.
Your love and acceptance was all just a hoax.You loved me and claimed me when I was pride and praise to you.You fucking lied to me ! I fucking hate myself ! And I still love you !

You told me that you love me so you could be proud of yourself,I was just your project, your mission, and your goal.

My heart and life were nothing to your selfish hatfull soul.You meant to say I love you....If you fit my twisted mold.

There is no day that you would have the time for me.Your probably wishing I had quietly died in the big deep blue sea.My death is not a loss to you but a waste of precious time.Time that is devoted to building up your pride.

I know that you will shed some tears, and wear the mask of sadness,I trust that you will use my death to spill your heart and tell your tale's,Of hopelessness and despair, sacrifice and love.....that I never recieved from you.

I have no other choice this time, I have to be your grand parade.Thankfuly I'm dead this time.... and it wont increase my pain.

Look at the box you bought to dispose of my pretty corpse in,Its more than what you ever bought me when I was alive and dead inside.

I'm not sorry that I troubled you, I'm not sorry that I'm here,I'm sorry that I knew you,And I'm sorry that I cared.

I trust that you will hide me in your closet full of bones,Your failure is gone, Your secret is burried,I'm finally dead and your nightmare has ended.

Take this time to use me ,and make your self the victim.....
I was always just a verb to you...or a problem and condition.But now I'm not an issue, now you are the victim.I am still just a commotion, a nuisance, and a word,now the verb is.....dead

You can have this last one too, its time to shed your tears of joy.Play the part, be the star !Bask in the attention, and care you believe you recieve.Steal my last spotligh, and hold it on your self,Use my life of pain and fear to tell your world of your love and lies and sacrifice.Use my acomplishment, and stomp my one big moment,Use my peace and create your own grave tragedy and modify the victim,Be your self, be true to me, Be the cold hearted soul you always were to me,I'll be the corpse you made me be.

I finally listened....to your sweet little lies...Your so beautifull, so pretty.Your so smart, so much potential.You can accomplish anything.If only you would apply your self.

I'm finaly listening !I took your advice !So here's to you and your selfish hurtfull lies.
Dont leave the lights on, dont save me dinner,dont change a thing for me,Be the way you always were to me.

I went on a mission,I took your great advice,I put on my favorite dress, I looked so Goddamn pretty,I set out to use my potential.I did something big !I tackled a challange, I accomplished a goal!

I did the impossible ! I stopped all the pain !I made you dissapear but your still here !Its like magik ! I'm noticed, I did something brave !

You should have seen me in that pretty dress,I looked so beautifull,I took a picture, of course I took it just for you,My pretty face looked so at ease,My big brown eyes almost turned to happy green,I was angelic !Like the girl you dressed me up to be !

Yes of course I took the picture just for you,I burned it for you too,Now I'm not suffering because I'm a shame to you.Once again I can be what you made me out to be,You can use me again now and blame your mistakes on me,I'm glad I can be of service to you,I changed my life for you, I killed myself with thanks to you .

Run it to ground,Use it all you can...

Just dont try to steel my sadness, to glorify your lies of love,That's the one thing you gave to me, and I worship it's effect on me.You wont ever take that back from me,I'ts the only thing I had, so I made sure I took it with me.

I killed myself because of you,So you can use my death for you,
Take me now, and hold me tight,Use my pain as your delight,
I'm dead in the ground,because you lied...you love me.